Warning: this may be all over the place...
Tonight (or morning technically) I have these random thoughts rushing through my head as I lay in bed with my headphone on listening to MKTO (fave new obsession of sorts). Friday (18th) will be my stomaversary. What is that you say? Well it's the "anniversary" of getting my stoma (see previous posts). As I lay here I wonder just how many of my friends actually know what a stoma, or an ostomy bag is and does it change their perception of me? I know that may sound crazy but it's a serious thought I have. A LOT. I try to be careful not to openly post things on my facebook about it... but not because I am ashamed. Truth is I'm not sure how others will handle it. I know a few people know what I've been through, even fewer have actually seen me since getting my bag. Sad but true, but hey it's not like I was ever a partier before getting so sick I thought I was gonna die. (it's the truth) Anyways getting back to my thoughts...
Does having this thing attached to me really change how people see me? It shouldn't, but sadly there is such a misconception of ostomies and what it means that I feel so many shy away from asking questions out of fear. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I am. I like to think I don't care what others think of me and on some level I don't, I'm confident in my own skin. On another level I do care, I think if everyone was honest a part of them cares just a bit. Truth is I do the same thing everyone else does just in a different way now. Yes, I just went there, LOL.
It has been a hard year, but I have over come a lot and as I embark on what this journey will throw my way I have these random thoughts. Crohn's disease is a cruel thing and I struggle every day not to let it turn me into a bitter person who sees the world as the glass half empty. Honestly it's hard, but I have a good support system. I feel blessed to have my family. My friends, the ones who really KNOW me, gosh I don't know what I'd do without them. Near or far they have taken time out of their days to check on me. They know who they are. I wish one of them lived closer, a lot closer! I miss her so much :(
Well, I'm not sure this made much sense but my head seems a bit less cluttered so mission accomplished! To whoever reads this, thank you. Really :)
Time for snuggles with my babies, until next time :)
Where's teleportation when you need it? I don't see you as anything less than what you are. My very best friend whom I cherish beyond words, the bravest and strongest girl I know and someone I desperately need in my life. You put up with me when I accidentally close myself off and remind me that just because I feel alone, doesn't mean I am. You're important and always will be. So you poop out of your stomach now, not the weirdest thing I've seen and I don't see or feel any different about you. Now, if you had a parasitic twin head growing from your neck, THAT might be a little distracting. As for Stella? I'm just sorry you got stuck with such a diva for a stoma. She and I will be having words about her attitude.
ReplyDeleteBut I love you no matter what.